7 Powerful Questions to Evaluate the Quality of Your Relationships
“I’ve worked with a lot of really fine actors, both on stage and on screen. The level of their game lifts me up and brings the level of my game up to theirs. Always. It’s like a constant upgrade.” - Gary Sinise
One of my closest friends seemed to be getting rather distant. It felt like she was avoiding me.
During a really awkward conversation, I decided to ask her what was the matter.
She replied in a cold, heartless voice I’d never heard before, “I’m taking some time to evaluate who my REAL friends are. That’s all.”
That’s all? Seriously?
I was deeply hurt. I felt betrayed.
You see, her mom had passed away 8 months earlier. The first few months she was in a deep depression. I spoke to her and encouraged her every day for 8 months.
Her husband was being emotionally abusive. Her marriage was on the rocks. I was there to listen. I was her shoulder to cry on.
How could she tell me she was ‘evaluating’ who her REAL friends were?
After being the only one who stood by her side after her mom died… After speaking to her every day for 8 months.
What the hell!?!?
Looking back now, it was the best thing that could have happened to me. She had a very negative effect on me and my life. The relationship drained me emotionally and spiritually.
Even before that fateful conversation, I knew I should have let go, but I hesitated. The guilt was too much to bear. I felt I would have been abandoning her. I had to be the loyal friend, right?
So God and the universe did the ‘cleaning out’ for me. I learned a very important lesson:
Evaluate (and upgrade) your relationships on a regular basis.
7 Questions Consistently Evaluate & Upgrade Your Relationships
The fastest way to upgrade your life is to look at the 5 people you spend the most time with. Whether that’s virtually or in person.
After you make a list, ask yourself the following 7 questions about each one:
1. Do I feel energized when I’m around her? Or… Do I feel better when she leaves?
2. Does she encourage me to follow my dreams (and I hers)? Or… Is she critical and negative? Does she tell me I’m crazy or it’s impossible to reach?
3. Is she the first person I call to celebrate my successes? Or… Do I hold back my wins and successes from her?
4. Are we growing together and learning from each other? Or… Is our relationship stagnant and does it hold us back?
5. Do we both give and receive? Or… Am I always giving and she’s always receiving?
6. Do we challenge each other to uplevel in every area (love life, career, finances, socially…etc)? Or… Does she settle for mediocrity in any area of her life (and I’m the only one up-leveling)?
7. Does she have a healthy relationship with men? Would I want her relationship? Or… Is her relationship with men unhealthy?
If you answer YES to the first question and NO to the second in each set, chances are you’ve got a keeper.
Congratulations! Start spending more time with her.
Well, you’ve got some evaluating to do. Maybe you two need to have a conversation? Perhaps you need to let her go? I can’t say. Only you know deep down what you truly need to do.
Think about what keeping that friendship could be costing you? Often the cost is huge and you don’t even know it.
One major cost is that the right people aren’t able to come into your life because it’s cluttered with low quality people. This includes attracting high-caliber men.
Her energy could be repelling them—from you.
Think about it.